Listen to our songs about Barnum Brown on Bandcamp:

The script for FronteraFest, Austin, TX on 1/16/14

Barnum Brown, The Entertainment

By Diana Prechter and Kent Cole

Copyright 2014

[NARRATOR]

"Barnum Brown, born in 1873, was lucky to live during an unprecedented age of scientific discovery. By this time, most scientists accepted Darwin's theory of evolution as a fact. But not everyone did. Some folks disagreed. 

As the arguments raged, scientists kept discovering the stoney remains of ancient remarkable dinosaurs."

SONG 1. Barnum Brown Introduces Himself

Some said I was lucky

or had X-ray vision

or great wits to escape every storm.

But lucky I am - not the way that you think. It's the luck

that I got when I 's born.

For the time and the place:

The late 1800's,

And for me in that very

location...

With pioneer parents

in Carbondale KS,

I developed my unique vocation.

[Barnum's mother calls]

"Barnum, Barnum, Barnum come home.  He's a good boy but he sure likes … he sure likes to roam.  He's a smart one does his chores - I don't mind when he's out the back door. Say's 'there's some treasure to find…'"

By the hand I'd walk with mom or dad, 

not more than 5 years old.

I would help them hold the can 

and we'd collect some coal.

On the ground: stone mollusks 

would pique curiosity

How could I find sea shells 

when I'd never seen the sea?

[ the roar of dinosaurs interrupts]

"Oh no - I was only 5 years old and certainly did NOT know about you fellows yet. Get back underground ! You've been hiding for over 66 million years. You can wait a few minutes longer!"

So the first extra luck

were those fossilized shells,

the second: living in Darwin's own time.

The third - at 16 Pa took me 

camping out West

living 4 months outdoors

was sublime!

[ mother calls again…]

"Barnum, your dinner is getting cold. Can you hear me, child?"

[Barnum answers…]

"Mom- I'm a young man now. Going to college next. Love you, mom!"

In college I developed a predilection

to study geology;

and paleontology - life buried in stones - and the

recent discovery of dinosaur bones.

[ dinosaurs roaring again]

"Okay, you terrifying giants - 

I see you: meat eaters, plant eaters, some flying, some floating, running on 2's or 4's, chasing or being chased;

I see you slicing with teeth, grasping your prey, enormous feet traipsing through the mud, caught in tar traps, escaping death, succumbing to death.

I see you covered with mud turned to stone. 

Submerged - hidden - thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of years.

And sometimes - just sometimes - found.

So now, there's a new 'big game hunter' around.

It's me: Barnum Brown."

SONG 2. Behold, the Dinosaur

"Dinosaurs, of course, are very very old.

Ancient humans must have always found fossil dinosaur bones - and wondered."

Giants and dragons abound.

we know this 'cause look what we found!

A tibia, a femur gargantuan.

I think I will hang it in my front salon.

Giants and dragons abound.

Monsters must lie in the deep.

It's quiet here just when they sleep.

Loch Ness is the lake where the deep is its home,

it's alive and you'll see it when you're out alone.

Monsters must lie in the deep.

You can see this strange thing is a stone.

I think it's a magic wand or wishbone.

Mine is a seashell I found on a hill

Mine is the claw of a bozenkill!

You can see this strange thing is a stone.

"Dinosaur bones, when scientists uncover them, can look like the remains of a carnivore's birthday party."

"steps---in---the---muck,  he--got--________!

Behold the dinosaur! It set science on its ear. Evolution. The bone rush. Darwin's theory of common descent was being tested by deep and deeper digging, layers of discovery.

Behold the dinosaur! And - its unlucky hour. How big? How heavy? Did it fly or run? Feather or scale? Dragging a tail?

SONG 3: The Dinosaur's Lament

It's very quiet when you can't make a sound.

It's very still when you're -- stuck underground.

Can't cough or sneeze -- Oh Barnum please -

please find me now.

I might seem weak  --  I might look tame.

But anyone who knows us -- knows we once were ferocious.

Now I'm in pieces, -- I can't make a stand.

Unless you lend me a hand.

[BREAK]

Nothing can change my situation

I'm here for eternity.

But now I'm breathless with anticipation

that someone would believe in me!

Oh yes I'm old. -- I'm not very with it.

But these bones 'll  -- make a very fine exhibit.

Oh Barnum please -- please find me now. 

I'm crushed underground.

[INSTRUMENTAL SECTION]

[BREAK]

Nothing can change my situation

I'm here for eternity.

But now I'm breathless with anticipation

that someone would believe in me!

Oh yes I'm old. -- I'm not very with it.

But these bones 'll -- make a very fine exhibit.

Oh Barnum please - -- please find me now. 

I'm crushed underground.

I promise to astound!

Oh - please find me now!

SONG 4: Ice Cream

"Back in the American West, it's the 4th of July"

"Families, friends, and the joy of eating homemade ice cream."

Turn that crank and don't daydream.

The party is awaitin' for the cold ice cream.

It's the neatest gadget you've ever seen:

The hand-cranked maker of your fresh ice cream.

Put in the ice. Put in the cream.

Add salt and sugar, a vanilla bean.

Every 4th of July beauty queen

knows there ain't nothin' better that your fresh ice cream.

SONG 5: It's Summer in Montana

[Barnum]

"I spent many summers out West. It's the prime time for dinosaur excavation, taking advantage of the three seasons in Montana: summer, August, and winter.  And the folks we met were so friendly!" 

It's summer in Montana - we're checking all our lists

for hospitality we'll show to those geologists.

We're hanging out Old Glory - cookin' up some pie

'cause it's 1902 4th of July.

Make no mistake, we have 

tedious routines

with no help from electricity or 

modern day machines.

We take a break to "live it 

up" every once in a while

to prove that we are fun and 

versatile!

On July 4th, the women wear their best frocks or gowns.

Cause today's the day the cowboys will come to town.

They're roasting beef and chicken, baking loaves of fragrant bread -

fresh berries and pickles on the picnic spread.

With cakes and pies they sweeten that 

home cowboys desire.

When evening falls, there's 

beer drunk by the fire.

Folks lift their fiddles and guitars and 

join in song

and there's lively dancing all night 

long.

[Barnum]

"Oh - those 4th of Julys! We had a plan and provisions and the bulk of summer discoveries ahead of us. It was just about my favorite time of year. And I always brought along a pair of dancing shoes just for the occasion. 

But the best summer: I brought my new bride Marion out west on our honeymoon."

SONG 6. Marion's Song 

This morning I saw a yellow-headed blackbird

a gorgeous fellow, he flew down near us.

Twice more at that spot I've seen him

running after some bugs.

A different blackbird, smaller with a white wing

the female is brown and - oh! you

should hear the males sing

but he sings only when on the wing.

[CHORUS]

I'll never forget how you courted me. 

Our eyes met and hearts interlocked.

On that cold winter day when you married me, 

I came in white slippers guarded by fuzzy red socks.

I was a student devoted to biology class,

steadfast, worked for 2 college degrees and I passed.

Your stories of field work had left me entranced…

--- and of course you could dance.

You waltzed me out West, the best year of my life.

We camped in our tent, I caught you fresh

fish on a safety pin. Remember sunrise on the 

Grand Canyon rim?

[CHORUS]

I'll never forget how you courted me. 

Our eyes met and hearts interlocked.

On that cold winter day when you married me, 

I came in white slippers guarded by fuzzy red socks.

[Barnum] "Marion, the love of my life, died suddenly of scarlet fever in 1910."

[Barnum speaks, sadly:]

Each morning comes and I think of you,

the blackbird flies. I still sing my song

knowing where I belong. I sing only 

when on the wing.

[CHORUS]

I'll never forget how I courted you. 

Our eyes met and hearts interlocked.

On that cold winter day when we married --   

You nearly forgot to take off those fuzzy red socks.

SONG 7. Let's Talk About Time & The Railroad Song

"The Wild West was full of shady characters who could not stand the spotlight of civilization."

Let's talk about time, it's 1869

fine horses and bikes people rode.

An amazing link, east and west crossed a brink

in the transcontinental railroad.

New York City was fine; Central Park was divine,

you could live polite life with the best.

But a need was fulfilled for those Buffalo Bills

to find freedom and land - more land in the West.

[CHORUS]

Home, home on the range. In remote and untamed terrain.

Opportunity flowed; wagons carried the load,

and our ancestors rarely… complained.

[Rhythm of train on train tracks]

Railroad cars upon the track

take you there and bring you back

Cowboy pockets weren't with it

til Levi Strauss did add the rivet;

Cowboy's heads were cold and flat

til Mr. Stetson made felt-fur-hats.

Buffalo were put to test

when railroad tracks were laid out West.

Killed for food in home terrain

for nothing should slow down the train.

With riches vast 

in soil and trees;

animals new, 

menageries;

minerals:  

coal, 

silver, 

gold,

for pioneers 

whose hearts were bold.

Here they come:  explorers

Here they come:  cowboys

Here they come:  pioneers

Here they come:  railroad engineers

Here they come:  painters, photographers

Here they come:  prospectors

Some folks noticed while doin' their their chores.

Bones they found - no, not horse.

No, not buffalo, stoney bones from long ago -

bones, them bones of Dinosaur!

[return to melody: to the modified tune of "Home on the Range"]

The land isn't flat. There is much more than that.

On mountains or ravines, pitch your tent.

You can join in the dig to find bones very big

if you only study your sediments.

You might place a bet that the West once was wet,

a land mass all covered with brine.

The continents flowed in an adagio

and this happened in geologic time.

[CHORUS]

Bones, bones on the range. In remote and untamed terrain.

Opportunity flowed; wagons carried the load,

and geologists, paleontologists rarely complained.

[CODA slower]

Hear the clippity-clop?

See that weathered outcrop?

We might just find a triceratop!

SONG 8. Finding T. Rex

"In which Barnum Brown tells the story of how he found the first Tyrannosaurus rex, “the tyrant king of the lizards.”

We start in New York with a long way to go.

Pack our rugged clothes and change after Chicago.

… No shade trees.

… Only grass for company.

Hope our wagon won't break down, we're

30 miles to the nearest town.

We passed Jordan, Montana and stopped at the Hell Creek precipice.

As far as the eye could see, I imagine Cretaceous.

... The sides look like layer cake

yellow, green, brown, grey and black;

… sediments caught where a river once burst

and a dinosaur might slake his thirst.

[SPOKEN over very quiet music] 

"Yes - in the '02 and '04 expeditions to Montana - we had uncovered the dino find of the century: the first Tyrannasaurus Rex.  

It had a 4 foot long skull; jaws studded with 6 inch serrated teeth.

The pelvis weighed over 4,000 pounds. It took 4 horses to haul it in the wagon.

Distantly related to lizards, crocodiles and birds, T. Rex was swift, powerful, and could easily destroy any contemporary creature.

18 feet tall and 45 feet long, T. Rex now stands at the American Museum of Natural History in NYC."

… In silt and sand.

… Dinosaurs roamed the land.

… Imaginations mesmerize.

… Scientists hypothesize //

about oversized // boney prize // and categorize.// Children fantasize

// terrorized // beady eyes  // paralyzed.  //  Newspapers publicize: 

MONSTER CREATURE DISCOVERED. MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD.  Extra extra! Read all about it!

SONG 9. The Scopes Trial

"Over the next 2 decades, Barnum Brown continued to collect bones from all over the world. In 1925, he noticed that an acquaintance of his named William Jennings Bryan was in a tricky situation.  Mr. Bryan was prosecuting John Scopes for having taught evolution in the public school in Tennessee.

In 1925 a trial was

broadcast 'cross the land;

Clarence Darrow for defense.

William Jennings Bryan in the stand.

Their arguments were electrified,

the neighbors did excite.

Comprehension slowly grows

and that's all right.

Some folks think that animals

are very unrefined.

Towards Darwin's theory of common descent

they remain disinclined.

They can make a law and break a law

to protect the humankind --

Comprehension slowly grows

and that's all right.

[Break]

Surely Barnum Brown was following

the Scopes trial news sensation,

listening to each argument,

considering implication.

[continued]

As a scientist we imagine that

he remained resolute

and might have agreed with Dudley Malone

that there's never a duel with the truth!

The jury called Scopes "guilty" after

9 minutes of debate.

The laws in Tennessee stood firm,

no science could liberate.

All this was on the radio,

the case was watertight.

Sometimes laws change very slowly --  that's all right.

SONG 10.  I married a dinosaur 

"At about this same time, Barnum fell in love once more. Her name was Miss Lillian McLaughlin of NYC."

[Song]

A debutante and aristocrat,

a budding writer, I knew that

I was destined to marry a man

of renown.

I chased that man from Cairo, 

Istanbul, Calcutta - what a town!

I married Barnum Brown!

-- he dug those bones

-- I kept his home

-- okay, it was just a tent

-- but I swept a lot.

-- we traveled the world

-- my life unfurled --

I married Barnum Brown!

In wilderness and foreign land

finding dinosaurs was grand

their bones on weathered creeks or

desert floors.

Imagine floods and meteor;

close your eyes and hear them roar:

I married a dinosaur!

-- great danger

-- fun time

-- mosquitos

-- fine wine

Imagine floods and meteor;

close your eyes and hear them roar:

I married a dinosaur!

11. Closing remarks

Barnum Brown worked for the AMNH for 66 years. He died in 1963, one week before his 90th birthday.

Four years later, the Tennessee law forbidding teaching evolution in public schools was repealed.

[holding dinosaurs…]

And what happened to the dinosaurs? Sorry fellows. 

[casually drop them into the suitcase, but pull out the bird as I close the lid… fly, flutter and tweet the bird as the lights go out…]